So today I had therapy as I do every Thursday at 2:30pm. Much could be said about today’s session. I have decided that I am sick and tired of being sick and tired of my Bs (bull). Which now that I have said it aloud, I realize how that must sound. I must lead an extremely sad boring life Fortunately I do not live that a sad existence. My life is extraordinary for what I have been through. Like why put a measure on success. You succeed when you meet your own expectations/ goals not someone else’s.
Anyways trying to work through Trauma in my life is a whole issue especially realizing that most of the time I use one word to define a series of emotions. So again, I researched the ALL-KNOWING LORD GOOGLE to look up types of emotions and I found list after list after list. I took the ones that I would most often use and split them in two sections Positive and Negative and then defined each term and listed them in a table.
I have noticed that though I know these words and have used them, it is good sometimes to practice using them so when it comes to talking about something in therapy, I can be clearer in my communication. There have been times when I have said that I have been ANGRY, but ANGRY was an umbrella term for a cloud of emotions. So ANGRY really meant DISAPPOINTED, HURT, LOST, and SCARED. When I really should have said that I was OVERWHELMED and then listed what I was feeling in the moment.
I have been really frustrated with my sessions the last few weeks. It was because I found that there was a lack of clear concise communication on my part and the added fact that I was very ambivalent about tackling the trauma in the first place. While I do not want to do it in the first place, I do think by dealing with it, it will help me with my relationships in general, romantic and otherwise. As well as make my quality of life better, moods and all. I have this obsessive need to be a better human being. Be better and live better I just want to know that I have done all I can to maintain and ensure my sanity, and happiness.
Like I do not think people realize that when you go to therapy that is something you are choosing to do you are choosing to do what is best for you. When you check in and sit in the waiting room you choose to sit there and wait till your name is called. You choose to go through those doors sit on that couch. Its like your mind is a train racing across the tracks and the tracks are life. You are the Conductor and your therapist is the Technician. You drive the machine and tell your therapist your symptoms while they guide you in repairing the faulty parts. It is of your choice when you feel like you are at your destination. Sometimes our trains have many destinations and it is not always about the destination as it is maintaining our minds.
For example, I have Bipolar Disorder and PTSD. Hopefully, I will find some resolve for my PTSD, but I will always need to maintain my Bipolar. To make sure it runs at a steady pace on the tracks not off to the side or in loops but at constant speed, steady stable.
There will be a copy of the Feelings/Emotions Chart located in the Resources Page. Feel free to Download a FREE Printable copy.
I am signing off ladies, gents, unicorns, beings from another world or whomever you choose to identify as this is Teneshia La’Rae from Bipolar Daily!
