My Wife and I have been seeing a Couples Counselor. No shame in my game if you think about it……………… it makes sense. My wife and I have different illnesses and different trauma’s and while we both have separate individual therapist that we see; life happens and honestly sometimes our communication sucks. So, no shame in my game. Let me jump straight to the point of this.
Last Friday we had a session with a therapist, for all intents and purposes let us call her -A. We head up to the office, walk into the office have our temperatures, check in, take a seat in the waiting room. My Wife and I start joking around about stupid stuff hoping that they do not think we are so messed up that they lock us up for good. You got to laugh to keep from crying right?
-A comes out greets us and we head back to her little corner of the office. We seat ourselves and SHE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED says to my Wife and I “So I don’t think I should see you guys for session anymore.”
Wifey sits there shocked me confused as f~(k. Me wondering to myself, like for why? Like I just called you the other day on your personal cell to confirm if it was in the office or over telehealth. Like you could have told me this f~(kery on the phone. For one therapist should not give out their personal information that is a whole safety issue and unprofessional and a little unethical. Like there is nothing personally that I need that I cannot call the office to schedule or talk to the on-call therapist if there was one.
From there she elaborates “I think that that I’m not able to separate your personal past and separate therapies from the work we do in here. See I am a holistic therapist and I truly believe that everything that has affected us changes our perception and affects the choices we make. There is a lot of history between you two individually and I cannot go where I want in sessions with you guys. You see your own personal therapist individually and I do not want to step on your therapist toes. It has nothing to do with you guys I just don’t think I’m equipped to deal with this.”
So, I am trying to process this blip blap in my head. The point of seeing someone else for our mutual therapy was because we did not want the overflow from our personal sessions clashing together. Also, can someone please tell me what in the world is a holistic therapist. Anyhow I am already aggravated at this point. Like why are here. So, then she continues with session. “How was your guys week”.
I see no point in this, but my Wife and I play along. My Wife starts with talking about where she and I have done ok and where her and I have not. Which then I start to talk about the things I have noticed. Like my recent emotional issues as it applies to our relationship. Since that is what we should be focusing on. Nah bruh -A decides that we should dig deeper into those issues. She really cannot compartmentalize. She wanted to talk about my “Distorted Thought Process” and then goes into an example of a girl with daddy issues and how it affected that person’s life and how she goes on in that life with a “Distorted Thought Process”. She literally uses the same example every time. So, I sold her we have heard this.
Then she starts pushing for information and I tell her that if I am going to talk about trauma, I am going to talk about it with my therapist when I am ready to. So that was not good enough for -A so she pushed more. I told her that I was not comfortable talking about it and that it was not also fair for me to talk about it with her. I like my therapist and I would feel like I was betraying her. If the therapy place that I go to was a sports team I would rate my therapist as MVP (most valuable player) we have an understanding. I do not always agree with her and I am fairly sure she does not always agree with me. You know that scene from The Shining by Stephen King where the blood come rushing out down the hall; point being my trauma is not a small cut.
So, then she starts making her assumptions that pushing after I constantly tell her I do not want to talk about it. At this point I am agitated yet that is only the beginning of my meltdown. So, from there she starts to use words that start with R and M. I tell her that I have had enough. Already feeling nauseated and edgy like I want to rip the flesh off my body. My wife steps in and tells her we do not use those we use the word HURT. Now we come to the point that drags me off the cliff. -A decides to tell me that I am minimizing the situation by not calling it what it was. From there she tells me a specific situation in her life with all the jacked-up graphic details. Like all the details.
My mind could not handle this I could not handle it. I start feeling like I could not breathe, my chest tightened, and I felt like I was struggling to stay attached to my body. The more she talked the worse it got. I kept trying to tune her out, but she kept coming at me. Flooding me forcing the water down my lungs. I said it is enough, but it is not enough for her. The sound starts to drowns out and I feel as though I am suffocating. The room is filling up with water. I am overflowing in a sea of emotions.
I try to stop it shut it down go into autopilot, but then anger seeps in as I try to keep myself in the chair feet digging into the carpet, clenching the fuck out of my jaw. I want to leave the room afraid of what I might do. I sit there shoving it down, shutting it off trying to refocus while it builds. I hate that in some weird way she feels superior to me like she is getting off on this. Like she somehow knows what I am who I am and yet has no idea.
She needed to fuckoff and get out my grill and stop assuming things that I did not say whether they are true or not. I am pretty much over this article. I am pretty much over this night. I know that I was over that day.
I am signing off ladies, gents, unicorns, beings from another world or whomever you choose to identify as, this is Teneshia La’Rae from Bipolar Daily!
